John Bailey has sired, then been brought to the brink of bankruptcy by, a six-year-old Baltic Avenue slumlord.
Monthly Archives: March 2010
March 31, 2010, 12:29
John Bailey finds that, if the right song comes up on shuffle, then none of the prevailing conditions — a spring-break day marked not only by no travel, but also by an unplanned two-hour trip in to work — will begin to preclude a six-year-old’s need to roll down the car window and belt out to unsuspecting pedestrians, “Holiday Rooo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oad!”
March 30, 2010, 14:11
John Bailey notes with interest, and no small measure of shame, that on a trip to the confectioner’s, the six-year-old pointedly passes over hard packs of Kings, Round Up, Lucky Lights, and Victory in favor of Target, and thus establishes himself firmly as a brand-preferential consumer of candy cigarettes.
March 30, 2010, 09:44
John Bailey learns from his six-year-old that if you are not having a spring-break breakfast at home, but are, in fact, dining shoreside in Belize City, then you should have the bratwurst enchiladas and a mai-tai. And your girlfriend, a stuffed pelican named Olivia Newton-John, will dine simply on two sticks of sidewalk chalk. … Playdate, anyone?
March 29, 2010, 20:43
John Bailey lauds his six-year-old’s apparent power of recall and undoubted depth of discretion, but he himself claims no recollection of a moment in which he loudly announced, while walking into a LongHorn Steakhouse with the not-yet-six-year-old, “Now we’re about to have some moo-moo.”
March 29, 2010, 17:32
John Bailey at Cosmo Park sees a fellow, 35ish, jeans, scraggly beard, fedora atop dirty blonde hair, t-shirt stretched tight over sizable paunch, and thinks this is what it looks like when Kid Rock really lets himself go.
March 26, 2010, 15:31
John Bailey senses, after a brief airing of “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car” leads to a barrage of six-year-old questions about wish fulfillment, the likelihood of the surname “Ocean,” and accepting rides from strangers, that the world he’s gotten into is part Bing commercial, part Pop-Up Video.
March 26, 2010, 07:42
John Bailey would like to rock and roll all night, and party every day. Sustainability of lifestyle model to be determined. Inherent conflicts may not be managed by switching genres.
March 24, 2010, 20:07
John Bailey turns his eyes to the next table at Golden Corral — where a young mother is hollering “What did I tell you about listening!” only to be met with a three-year-old’s mute glare — then looks back to his own table, where a six-year-old, nonplussed, resumes his line of interrogation with, “So, do you think ‘stun’ and ‘stunt’ have the same Latin root?”
March 24, 2010, 12:42
John Bailey ❤ s springtime street-vendor hot dogs. Even if the vendor’s “all-beef” claim really means “all beef ❤ s.”
Being John B 