| so long, nineteen-ninety-nineteen.
Monthly Archives: December 2009
December 31, 2009, 11:13
| Ah, so much time and so little to do! What do you think? Wrap it all up by noon and go home, or screw around for hours, manufacture a crisis, and finish in a forty-five-minute flurry of mediocrity?
December 30, 2009, 15:37
John Bailey has without fail this afternoon been typing not “the,” but “th,” as if trapped within the panels of “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith.”
December 30, 2009, 12:22
John Bailey has never met you, dear caller, but is just basking in that direct-address love. Think you can squeeze another two or three “John”s into your next sentence? It makes me feel so special. … Also, I’m holding the phone only an inch and a half from my ear. Can you switch to a full-on field holler? Thanks.
December 29, 2009, 14:26
John Bailey considers all the reductive nicknames he has privately attached to old girlfriends’ previous and subsequent boyfriends — Hot Pockets, Sammy Breadknife, Mr. Moisture — and can only guess which snappy appellations have been assigned to him by people he’ll never know.
December 26, 2009, 13:11
John Bailey found himself in the bitter cold and blowing snow unable to latch the driver’s-side door, swore like a maimed stevedore, envisioned driving in icy slush to the mechanic’s with his right hand while holding the door fast with his left, then took matters into both hands, chiseling chunks of thick black gunk from the striker plate. Voila! Latch assembly clean, door closed. Moist flushable wipes, you have saved the day!
December 25, 2009, 18:01
John Bailey is enjoying a profoundly calm and peaceful holiday. By sheer coincidence, he has not been, on this day, entertaining entreaties from a six-year-old to see “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.”
December 24, 2009, 17:39
| Six-year-old otherwise engaged. … Silent night!
December 24, 2009, 15:21
| Estimated world population: 6.7 billion. Percentage currently in “express lane” of Gerbes on Ash: 72.
December 24, 2009, 12:28
| worst gift this season: Wyler’s Bouillon Cubes, chicken flavor, 3.25-oz. jar.
Being John B 